Three Essential Oils that Can Help You Survive Temper Tantrums
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I still remember that feeling of my muscles tightening, heart racing, my breaths getting faster and deeper and at the end having everything seem like a blur every time my little guy would have a temper tantrum. Clearly, I would get stressed and even angry sometimes.
Every toddler goes through that phase in which they learn how to deal with their emotions. However, as much as he was filling distressed, so was I.
I found the best way to work through it was to just to let him be. Ignoring him until he calmed down was best because there’s no reasoning with a child in that moment, it’s totally pointless. It's one thing to know what's best though and another altogether to actually put it into practice. The problem was that I would get so upset and angry that it was extremely difficult for me to just ignore him. If I'm being honest, many times I would raise my voice and it would make the situation even worse. Afterward I would feel bad and hello negative feedback loop!
I always felt that as a mom, I should be there for him to comfort him and to let him know that it’s ok to feel upset or angry sometimes. I wanted to let him know that everything would be fine, but honestly, in that moment sometimes it's just not possible. Your body is automatically reacting and responding to a stressful situation.
So, one time, as another tantrum was unfolding, I got this intense feeling where I just wanted to grab him and yell at him to stop. Somehow, I was able to step back for a second and thought, I need to calm down, otherwise I can’t help him, and it might just make things worse.
Now, telling yourself to calm down doesn’t work, the same way positive thinking will not just turn off negative thoughts or feelings and replace them with pleasant ones. Why? Because our prefrontal cortex which is the logical part of our brain responsible for thinking and complex reasoning, the part of the brain that says it’s ok, we shouldn’t be stressed, is not connected to our “emotional brain” so the message doesn’t get through.
However, the olfactory system is connected to the limbic system, a part of the brain where our emotions, motives and memories are stored. Therefore, ESSENTIAL OILS HAVE DIRECT ACCESS TO OUR "EMOTIONAL BRAIN". This connection causes an emotional response to essential oil aromas.
So, I quickly grabbed a bottle of Vetiver essential oil, opened the cap and took ten deep breaths (although I was breathing heavily at that point anyways). I just felt my body relaxing, it was such a good feeling! Vetiver essential oil is distilled from the root of the Vetiver plant which grows mostly in Haiti. It has a sweet, earthy and woody aroma which is very grounding and balancing. It is one of my favorite essential oils. Fun fact is that Vetiver is often used as a base note in natural perfumes.
After I was able to ground my feelings, I also opened a bottle of Bergamot and inhaled it a few times. Bergamot is a citrus essential oil grown in southern Italy. It is cold pressed from the zest of the fruit. It has a sweet, fresh and citrusy aroma that is very uplifting. I felt so much better! It really allowed me to deal with the situation in a more calm and effective manner.
Just opening a bottle of essential oil to inhale the aroma was enough at that moment, but this is not the best way to do it on a regular basis. Opening a bottle too often may impact the shelf life of essential oils and for citrus oils, cause faster oxidation due to air exposure. Instead, I highly recommend using inhaler tubes. They are easy to make and offer a convenient way to use essential oils to help you quickly deal with the many emotions we all experience daily.
In addition to Vetiver and Bergamot, I also added Lavender to the blend below because of its calming and relaxing properties. You can use this blend at home, the grocery store or playground.
TEMPER TANTRUM SURVIVAL BLEND
3 drops Vetiver (grounding)
10 drops Lavender (calming)
12 drops Bergamot (uplifting to the mood)
Combine essential oils in a small bowl. Using an organic cotton pad (usually precut and included with the tubes), soak up the oil from the bowl. Place the pad into the inhaler tube and close the end of the tube with a cap.
I recommend making multiple inhalers so you can find at least one when you need it. I’m speaking from experience 😊 They are widely available online and on Amazon. I suggest purchasing reusable ones such as these.
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